Andy, In '89 or '90, my H told me that I started "to change" after my dad died. That also tied into the period of time when my H was laid off; got stuck w a less than desirable job for a year and we had a fiancial control power play. I know I felt incredibly driven to take the financial load off my H. One little stress on top of another; one little disappointment after another tucked in the crevices.
Our dance of conflict didn't help us any. Two conflict avoiders are not going to clear the air in a healthy fashion.
Somewhere my hormonal problems kicked in and that wasn't noticed by my H. He just figured it was something else to stuff. I was one of those 'fix it myselfers' who tried really hard to take care of myself by not going to the doc's. I can remember feeling like the doer of redundant chores and feeling unwanted, unneeded, unloved. I think I could have simplly said 'taken for granted' but I got going with the 'un's', sorry.
I didn't want H to touch me cause it seemed like such another. . .demand . . .of my being. I can remember being alone on the stairs and saying to myself "something's gotta go. I guess I (the me of Lily) have to die. I began the slow, painful withdrawal from things I couldn't control.
It must have been 2 or 3 summers ago, both kids and H said I'd changed. I was experiencing a mild form of paranoia. I remember the things they thought were perculiar in my thinking seemed so right according to my perception.
Oh! The summer of 2000, after a particulary cruel R talk by my H, I officially --in a private manner--- emotionally withdrew from my H. It occurred to me to leave him but was never really a viable option so I internalized it (never dreaming that H wanted out as well!!!!!!!!!) Only when I was dx and started getting enough T3 to my brain was I able to snap out of the emotional withdrawal that I had toward my H.
Had he dropped the bomb 6 months before or even 1 week before he did, I would not have been able to cope.
Please hang in there. Your W doesn't know how blessed she is to have a H who is in a caring mode. You've done so much to give her body, mind, and soul the rest it needs. She's so lucky not to be alone in this.
Andy, I can't say your W's emotional state is tied to her hormones. Mine were. I can say that my H was not tuned in to me and I sure could have used his support. I am not casting blame, just observing.
When I think of the years that I caused me to suffer just because it never occurred to me that what was happening to me physically didn't have to be. Geez!
