I think you have admirably applied DB techniques for a long time now, but it sounds like you have now reached a point where the situation is intolerable--i.e., "[t]here has been too much disrespect, too much damage."
You definitely need to get some distance, now; the situation is just too toxic for you. I remember something a couple people told me, when I was getting close to the end of putting up with my own situation. They said that it was great that I was so focused on my toddler, but that, ironically, I might be doing him a disservice by continuing to endure a situation that was so damaging to me.
Also, although I was in a situation where my soon-to-be ex-wife and I contributed about 50/50 to our family's income, I can certainly imagine your concerns about your economic situation going forward.
I therefore have a little advice on this subject.
First, I will echo Walkingback, and strongly recommend you see your lawyer and explore all your options concerning the house and interim and final support orders.
Second, get out there and start exploring the job market in your area, find out what's possible, and interview for a couple jobs. Call on friends for job leads.
Third, explore alternative housing options, even if you think you might get to keep the house as part of a divorce settlement. In this regard, be very creative. Are there any family or friends you could call on to temporarily assist you with the finances related to the house?
Fourth, start envisioning a life in which you are economically-self sufficient. I think you will be pleasantly surprised with how resourceful you can be when you have to be--sort of like being dropped 1,000 miles away from home with just the clothes on your back and $2 dollars in your pocket.
In short, if you could put up with all that pain and nonsense from your wife, you can certainly harness that strength and creativity to rebuild your life in a way that leaves you economically self-sufficient.
And none of this requires you to entirely shut the door on reconciliation. At this point, I think it may be the only possible way to reconciliation.
As some of the others have suggested, your wife may be getting off to easy right now. When she starts having to deal, day to day, with the mess you both have on your hands, then she may (or may not) realize that the grass is definitely not greener with ol' OM.
No one can fault you for telling your wife, "Hey, I still love you, but I think if we continue on in this vein we are going to do irreparable damage that will not only completely eliminate any chance of reconciling, but will also poison the relationship we need to keep in order to be good co-parents to our kids if we don't reconcile. We therefore need to move ahead with the separation and divorce."
As a follow-up to yoyogirl, I want to emphasize that while I completely agree that you should now demand that your wife start sharing the duties of caring for the kids, you absolutely should NOT give your wife full custody—at most, let her have joint 50/50 physical and legal custody (of course, subject to whatever advice your attorney gives you).
Another thing I might mention is that after you have reached the point that there has been just too much disrespect and damage, and have been there awhile, you may discover that YOU want to sell the house and find a new place, because the old house is just too tainted. It could be hard to drive away the sad memories that linger like exhausted ghosts (especially in the bedroom) after such a terrible experience. Even if you don't feel that way now, you may still benefit from a new space to nurture your new self and new life.
If all goes well, you may decide to change your moniker from SAHDaddy to SSDaddy ("Self-Sufficient Daddy").
Okay, enough from me, I'm starting to sound like a New Age guru ....
But know that I and many others will continue to follow your situation, so please let us know if you switch over to some other forum.
