Me 49, Stay at home dad, W 38. Married 11 yrs, together 13. Two young kids, S5, D2.
Last June I discovered wife was involved in an EA with her colleague. It became a PA in August. We neared divorce in October, but W balked when I informed her that I would fight for primary custody of the kids. We agreed to put things on hold over the holidays. And things have pretty much been in an open marriage limbo ever since.....until now.
W had been spending the night once a week at OM's house (He's 36, never married, no kids) sometimes two. We have been sleeping in the same bed, and living a cordial relationship primarily for the sake of our kids.
Most recently she said she was ready for divorce finally. I have been hanging in there. Oddly.
Her latest proposal was that she was now not planning on moving in with OM, but with sharing our house while our kids lived there permanently.
For 3 or 4 days the kids and I would have the house, and for the next 3 or 4 days (alternating) the kids and her would live there.
When I asked where I (stay at home dad) would go, she suggested I stay in my 83 mother's one bedroom condo. No way.
When I asked where OM would be during her 3 or 4 days in the house, she responded that he would be staying there with her. In my house.
OM sleeping in my bed?
She would prepare a bed in another room for them.
I told her no way. Never. I wouldn't share a home with him and I don't want him poking around my stuff. No way.
She then threatened that she would force the sale of our home and nobody would live there. I was filled with panic.
THe lawer subsequently told me that she couldn't force me out (nor could I force her out).
I want to stay in my home. I have been DBing for a year. I have small kids that I want to see every day, but I must say that a year of this has been too much.
I don't know why she is hanging in there. Doesn't OM see that she's dragging her feet? Isn't she curious why her great love (OM) isn't smashing down doors and insisting that they be together?
It's been one year since my first posting here. I was hoping to have a story like old timer MF's. But now I think I want out more than she does.
Having kids really complicates things and I never say anyone satisfactorily adress how to DB with custody issues...
Good luck my friends. I believe my next new thread will be in the divorcing threads. I have been on the infidelity boards for a year and I have managed to keep our marriage alive, but I sometimes wonder if it is worth it.
Many of you have much better situations that can be managed and resolved. I faced an impossible challenge and made some headway. Many of you WILL be able to succeed if you follow the simple steps that you can find right here...
