Gotta run for a few minutes and then I'm probably gone for the weekend but...
Quote: It doesn't matter how hard I try she is just not interested in continuing in this marriage. But I am the bad guy.
As long as you allow other's definition of you to be YOUR definition, then yes, you are the bad guy because like most people, she is going to try to blame you for everything she can, and the more you accept of that blame, the more validated she feels in placing it on you.
This may seem to be a contradiction to all the "validation" talk I do, but I don't think so. I think that when they blame us for things, we CAN validate and say "I understand why you would feel that way. It makes sense, but I don't agree. Maybe that's ok for now."
She can SAY anything she wants, and so can MIL, but they can't MAKE you feel responsible, only YOU can do that. How you feel is a REACTION to what they say and do, not a direct result. There is a point where internal intervention IS possible, and it's this intervention that we refer to as detachment.
I know it sucks to feel this way, and despite all my big talk, I feel that way a lot too. I feel blamed and responsible for a LOT of things that I KNOW are not my fault but I try not to personalize that. I know that a lot of it is just my W venting and she doesn't MEAN a lot of it. You MIL & W may or may not really believe you are responsible for all this, but in the end, it only matters what YOU believe.
