Here is my sitch. All advice welcome#2

[Hanging__On]

Well I have a ton of anxiety today and I am not sure why. I have been staying pretty busy this week. I get the girls for this weekend and maybe the thought of seeing my W today has gotten me feeling this way.
We still haven't had a R talk. I have offered it to her but she just acts like there is nothing to discuss. This whole situation just floors me when I think about it. It is just to hard to imagine. I guess I need to accept it for what it is and not dwell on it. I think forgiveness is the most important part. I don't hold any grudge against her because I realize how easy it can be to make mistakes.
I never thought I would actually have enough responses to get locked out of my original thread, but the folks here are amazing and giving support. Thank you all. I have a feeling it won't be the last one that gets locked. I am still Hangin On.

[Hanging__On]

One thing that has really bothered me about the W affair is that she has told me in the past and even since this has all happend, that she didn't like having sex at all. She said she could go her whole life without it. For years I have complained about how often we would ML. I don't understand for the life of me why she would go get it somewhere else when I was at home every night and more that willing to please. She has not given me much in information about the affair except that it happened. At first she tried to tell me that is was just phone sex but when I told her she was full of crap she backed off of that lie. I guess this is the hardest thing to get my mind around on this whole thing. What are your thoughts ? Anyone else faceing similar problems? I wouldn't want to ML unless she was up for it because I never wanted her to feel like it was her duty as W. I have always wanted her to fully enjoy it as much as me.

[grasshopper]

Guy, all I can say is get a comfy chair and read my threads cuz I am right there with you. OT, I wish you would chime in here (sorry HO, lol) because you slapped me pretty hard when I said something like this.

HO, you have to understand, and OT usually does a better job of explaining this so I'll keep mine short in hopes she'll chime in, that your perception of your sex life and hers may be VERY different. I think you see that now but are still trying figure out just HOW different.

I will post more, but am calling for reinforcments on this one...

GH

[Hanging__On]

Thanks for the response GH! I have been doing some reading on your sitch. Sounds real familiar in a lot of ways. I hope you have a good weekend. I beleive mine will be OK because I will have the girls to keep me busy. I will also check in when I get a chance. I hope OT responds to my thread I would like to hear his thoughts and anyone else for that matter.

[grasshopper]

You're welcome...and HER thoughts, lol...you aren't the first, nor I suspect the last to make that mistake.

GH

[Hanging__On]

Well I am still kicking. I stayed pretty busy this weekend with the kids. I took them to see the movie Cars. It was really good and would definatly recomend it to anyone with small children.

The W and I had a small R talk on Saturday night. I initiated wich was bad I know, but I had just had enough of her ignoring me. All week she and I thought we needed to talk about some things and I told her to let me know when would work. So Saturday she called to tell the kids good night from her cell phone. She told me she was going with a friend (frome work) to get a movie and watch it at her place. Well that didn't make sense. Her friend has her own place less that a mile from hers and she is married and has 2 kids of her own. Anyway, I told her I was pretty frustrated that she had time to run around but did not have a few minutes to talk with me. She made up all kinds of excusess and told me that she was not trying to avoid me. I told her that I dindn't care what she did anymore. That I know she is still seing OM and that I no longer give a rats arse. Not very good DBing huh.

I am just so fed up with all the drama. People talking in a small town is hard to overcome. Everyone know everyone. She heard that I had already gotten a girlfriend a month ago. I have now heard from a friend of hers that she is just dragging things along so that she can get more of a buyout on the home. I jsut feel like this crap is never going to end.

[Hanging__On]

Today is a new day. Well the W seems to be warming up to me some. Lately she is more loving when we are talking and seems to be looking more at me. I can't keep my eyes off of her. She is a beatiful woman, and although I have told her that I don't think she believes me.

So many things seem to be going on and I think it must be bad kharma or something. My step FIL has gotten pretty sick and has been running back and forth to the hospital do all kinds of test. We had a hail storm a couple of days ago and my pickup and camp trailer got the crud dented out of it. When the wife come to pick up the kids last night she had a flat tire that I changed for her. It has just been one of those weeks.

I think everyone must have given up on my threads because nobody has responded for a while. Thats OK though because I am still hanging on to the marraige. Things are just crazy on this stinking roller coaster of a ride.

[monchichi]

Hi HO, from a women's point of view when we refuse to ML with our H is because we are angry with our H. As you should have known by now, women needs alot of attention and love, they need their H to listen.

Me...I had 2x affair...its no excuse for my actions even though my H neglects me but everyone react differently to tell their spouse I AM ANGRY W U!

For women the easiest way to show anger is to refuse SEX. You know making love is not only on bed, it starts from the morning till the evening or night. Begin the morning by telling your wife ILU/ how beautiful she is/how u appreciate the little stuff she did everyday for u...in the afternoon maybe during your lunch time call her to tell her u miss her/ u wanna date her for lunch...and I have a question to ask you...what is the first thing you do when u reach home? Do you look for your wife or your children first or maybe the TV remote? Once in a while buy her some flowers or little gifts (eg. her favourite artist CD) nothing expensive but meaningful to u n her.

We women are suckers for love and attention, we are not machines that can be ignite instantly...be patient HO.

Now i need your advise...my H wants out after my 2nd mistake. AM trying very hard to communicate now with him over messages...and yes women needs alot of communication which me n H don't so hope yours is good.

How to mend a man's broken heart?

[Hanging__On]

Thank you for the advice monchichi. You are so right about givin attention all day long. I feel so stupid that I didn't know all this stuff before d-day. I have been complimenting the crap out of her and I don't think she believes me. I realize now how my inconsiderate nature over the last 14 years has added up to where I am today. How I wish I could go back and do things better. I wish she would give me the opportunity to show her I am changing and learning for the both of us. I am just afraid that I will never get another shot. I will have to live with that and learn to do better in the future.

As far as your situation goes. I can only tell you how I would feel safe again. Try to be as open an honest as you can possible be. Call him, text him, and let him know that you only want to be with him and no one else. Tell him what it is that you love about him. I personally enjoy intamacy and the feeling of being close. Not neccessarily ML but just laying in bed with your head on his chest and affirming your love for him could go a long ways.

I have not read all your sitch and you probably have already heard what I have mentioned but I hope in some way this helps. I have not given a whole lot of advice to people because I can't seem to get a hold on my problems. I hope you stay in touch and I will send you good thoughts. I wish my wife would come on here looking for advice and show that I mean more to her than a piece of dirt.

[Hanging__On]

So I asked my W to dinner tonight when I go pick up the girls. She acted like it would be OK but was not all that thrilled. It is just nice to see and talk with her. I know I am not supposed to persue her and I don't think I am. This is the first time in almost 3 weeks that we have spent any time together other than exchanging the girls and talking about bills. What do you think?