Are men all that different than women in regards to our emotional needs? Or, do we just show it differently?
For years, I felt that my W couldn't have cared less about how I am emotionally. She never asked me. She just felt I didn't care for a relationship with her because I didn't blurt out my emotions.
Men don't blurt out emotions. Men don't use conversation to transmit emotions (although some methods of talking are emotional. Men don't hear emotions in conversations. For men (at least the ones I know) conversation is for facts, action, decisions, critiques. Emotions are to be private, for a special person that knows how hard it is to show emotions and pulls them out with love and compassion.
On the other hand, women (at least the ones I know) use conversations for emotional expression. The want to know through this emotional conversation who and how you are. Unless their is an immediate problem to be resolved, facts, action, decisions and critiques appear to be BTW to the purpose of conversation. Emotional connection is their goal with conversation.
My dilemna is how to separate the emotions my W is telling me in conversation and ignoring the "facts, actions, decisions and critiques" she is giving me. It turns me OFF emotionally. During my "poor me" minutes, I wish she would just hold me before talking, so I can feel how she is feeling. THAT's IT: Men need to physically feel how their W is feeling to be able to emote in safety; women want us to emote before they are safe physically. Vicious circle.
It is hard, at least for me, to be patient while my W continues to physically withdraw, to find a way to emote to her that is safe for her and for me. Right now, I don't feel safe around my W and it is difficult to share anthing with her.
