Hi, Lily and Andy:

Hey, Lily, are you sure you're not me? My sitch exactly. H wasn't there for me emotionally (my perspective). He felt showing his love physically was all that mattered. For a MAN, yeah. For we women we need that emotional bond and intimacy more than the physical. We went round and round for years. He ended up thinking I didn't love him because I wasn't there for him physically; I felt I was being used because he only wanted me physically and forgot about the emotional stuff. Which, like you, all the emotional lovey-dovey stuff was there in the beginning. Anyway, I ended up rejecting him, too, and I also paid dearly.

So I've been doing pretty well in the meeting of the needs department, but now I'm starting to feel he's slipping back into his old pattern of "it's okay for me so it must be okay for you." I can't for the life of me get him to delve deep down inside and share with me is deepest feelings, fears, needs. He told the MC that he feels he can't ask me for anything right now, that he doesn't deserve to have me meet any of his needs. MC told him enough already. That's not healthy for our marriage.

I think I've really got to discuss this with him this weekend. It's getting very frustrating to be doing all the "need meeting," and getting nothing in return.

Andy,

I know you'll say forget it to this suggestion, but have you ever thought of just being a "little" more aggressive? Start with a back rub and run your fingers lightly up and down her arm. Even when I was really perturbed with H whenever he'd start just touching lightly so that it felt really good and I'd start relaxing, it would be very hard to make him stop. Also, sometimes my pride wouldn't let me "give in" enough to initiate or "let go." But if H was more persistent (and he usually was!) and took a lot of time (he's a very considerate lover), I'd end up getting into it. Just a thought! Maybe on some deeper level your W does want you to attempt to be close.

Also, DO NOT suggest W see doctor for low libedo. Bad, bad, bad. My H did that on numerous occasions and I was highly offended and angry. My reply, "Did you ever think it's YOUR problem and not mine?" (Way before DB'ing days).

Ya, know, Lily, my doc told me 4 months ago I have Hashimoto's thyroiditis. I'm not on thyroid medication yet cause I really don't have all the symptoms (except libedo is low). I just went in for another test yesterday and we'll see if the thyroid is still functioning before I decide to start medication. With what you said about it helping your libedo, though, maybe I'll call her and have her write me a prescription right now [Eek!]

See you guys,

M