You’re right about the card. She’s trying. I know that. I don’t think we need to build the trust anymore, though. I think it’s there. Of course, it has to be maintained.
Like I posted before, the only thing that seems to be missing is the affection. And, I have to say it. The sex.
W is trying to make things easier for me by “not leading me on..” She says she’s trying not to encourage me. It’s very discouraging. She withdraws from me when I attempt physical contact. She wears the most horrible sexless flannel PJs and changes into them in the bathroom. She avoids anything that could be construed as flirting
It doesn’t make it easier. It’s just a constant reminder of what’s missing.
I recently asked her if she wants to stop any physical contact (cuddling, etc.), or just sex. She said she never asked for either to stop.
She once told me that she totally lost her libido, and that she didn’t miss it. On another occasion, she told me that she was as surprised as I was that her libido is gone. I think the spate of criticism that’s been coming out of our OR talks are not intended to cut me down, but rather to try to make sense out of this, and perhaps to preempt any attempts by me to blame her.
She no longer feels pressure from me, but it’s hard to accept her lack of affection and desire for me. It’s not like I can work on this myself either. If I wanted meaningless affection or meaningless sex, I could just go out and get a $10 hooker. Or maybe an A would be more convenient. Would that be good DBing? “What have you done for yourself lately, Andy? Take care of you! Let W do her thing. You should move on.”
