I feel like I'm at a sticking point right now. I guess part of me thought that once I started applying DB techniques, I'd be able to stop, but I know better now.
How do you handle "moments" now? Right now, I feel very unappreciated. H has been in some severe back pain, and I offered to work on it last night (I'm a massage therapist). We spent close to an hour and a half on just his low back area. When I was finished (there's only so much you can do), I asked how his back was. His response was that he'd know in the morning. That's fine; I know that the results are not always immediate. But when I asked him how I did, he told me he couldn't answer that because he's never had another therapist work with him. That hurt. But as I was typing this, I realized that I may not have been clear in what I was asking. What hurt more, however, was that he didn't even thank me. The work I did was very intense and it takes a lot out of me emotionally and physically, especially at 9:00 at night.
But then this morning, we were getting ready for work. I make his breakfast since I don't have but maybe two minutes to drive for work. We sat down to eat and he gave me a look. When I asked what was wrong, he told me that the bread was too toasted. He likes his bread just barely toasted...still white. I don't know. These things just get to me. I go out of my way to make breakfast for him and then get told that the bread is too toasted. Am I being unreasonable here by feeling disappointed in him?
It gets better. As he's getting ready to leave, he kisses me very briefly and walks to the door. On the way, he stops to hiss at our two cats and tells them he hates them. Then he says "bye" to me and leaves. His problem with the cats? One of them had been on the kitchen chair over the night and left some hair there. I've offered to find them homes because we're simply not there much, but he told me not to do that because I would end up hating him for it. Please. I wouldn't offer if I didn't mean it.
I just feel like he talks in double-speak. Half the time I don't know what's going on. I don't get straight answers from him. For example, we're living in a one bedroom apartment during the week, but we have a beautiful house (or he would tell you that it's his house since he had it before we married). His parents have been living there, renting from us all this time. He wants to spend every weekend there, and I've relented. The one time I did tell him I wanted some breaks from being there was right before the bomb. Well, we have to move from the apartment in May. I'd like to have some idea what he wants to do because it means me changing jobs, etc. All he tells me is that he has a plan.
I've made some significant changes in my responses to him, etc. But he's flipped now, too. I really believe at this point that he's just doing and saying some of these things to get at me. But why?
Really, I feel emotionally drained right now, and I don't have the energy to put much into this. I'm posting this hoping to be able to see some pattern here and some way to solve the problem. For the most part, things are fine between us. But between his job and back ache, he's been a bear to be around. And I did mention just what's going on with him, because everything in my life is insignificant.
Is this normal? Do other people go through this sort of thing when they are putting their lives back together?
