1.Before each month we sit down and discuss sex for the upcoming month. We might discuss wants, likes, dislikes, initiation, etc…During this discussion we create a calendar that will represent scheduled days for us to have sex. We are currently assigning a person to be responsible to initiate sex every other day through out the month. For example my day to initiate is represented as a blue day on the calendar, then the next day is an ‘off’ day and the next day is her day to initiate and represented by a pink day on the calendar. The calendar is hung in our bedroom in plane view. *You might think that scheduling sex every other day is a little ambitious for a couple struggling with sex, but it was her suggestion and I wasn’t going to argue. So far it is working very well, and we will reevaluate the system at the end of the month.
2.On my day to initiate it is my responsibility to initiate and she can relax and not worry about any thing. She knows going into that day I will be initiating so she can mentally prepare and relax for the upcoming sex. On her day the role is reversed and I can relax knowing she will initiate some time during the day.
3.On ‘off’ days sex is off the table no exceptions! This rule is one of the best parts of the new program. Having off days means we both can relax and not think about sex, nothing I do can be interpreted as pressuring her for sex so in turn she can enjoy me treating her special and giving her flower, back rubs etc…
*Overall it is very simple and stress free, it has made sex fun and exiting for both of us, with no stress or worries.
One week into our scheduled sex routine and every thing is going great. Overall anxiety and stress about sex are down to nothing which has left us feeling relaxed and more able to concentrate on other aspects of our relationship and life. Our ‘off’ days are the best because no one thinks about sex or wonders what the other person is thinking…sex is off the table and we can really relax and enjoy each other with no worries. Our ‘on’ days are also relaxing because we both know we will have sex sometime that day and we both know who is initiating so there is no confusion or anxiety which in turn leaves more possibility and energy for passion and desire. Overall our sex has actually become more passionate contrary to what many of you suggested and this program has a lot of potential to keep getting better. My GF has nothing but good things to say about it and overall says “it is so easy.” I have seen more desire out of her then I have in many months and it keeps increasing and getting better. Also contrary to what some of you thought romance and spontaneity is not dead under this system. There is still room for romance and spontaneity because on our ‘on’ days we can still romance each other, still surprise each other, and still be some what spontaneous. Overall things are looking good, and I am really excited. Obviously it is still really early but I will keep you all posted.
Excellent! What's great about this plan is you both agreed it and you are both committed to doing it. And you both understand the schedule.
What I am finding fascinating is that she is finding her desire. So much of this LD stuff is purely psychological. The crazy mating dance that we indulge in clearly is too stressful for some people.
WTG Sammy!
Fran
if we can be sufficient to ourselves, we need fear no entangling webs Erica Jong
Glad this approach is working for you. Enjoy