My wife left in April. In May I found out that she left, among other reasons, for another married man. She at denied that there was another man when she left, but I found her cell phone bill and found a cell phone number that had been called repeatedly.
I confronted her about it, and she reluctantly admitted that she met him in Feb. and has been sleeping with him since April, and that she "loves him."
She has shown no remorse or guilt at all. She has stopped going to our marriage counseling. She tells me that she will come home when she wants to, not when she has to. Of course, she says that she doesn't love me anymore and does not want to be close to me again.
Her apartment is in a city 30 minutes from our house. He lives in the same city. She tells me that she knew she would get caught, and that she ended it with him the next day. How can I be sure? I don't know where her apartment is, but he does. It's too simple to be true.
I don't feel like I have gotten past the anger over the affair, so I've pulled a 180-LRT. I changed the ph. # and the locks. I am doing everything I can to become stronger for me, but please help with your feedback.
Should I forgive her? I realize affairs start usually because of neglect or isolation from the spouse, so I am partly to blame for giving her reason to stray. However, I'm not the one doing "missionary work" in this relationship. Does she even deserve forgiveness? Help! Thanks.
I would forgive her if she asked for it and was truely remorseful and repentent. Forgiveness is a gift you give to yourself. Peter asked Jesus how many times should I forgive my brother 7 times? Jesus replied not 7 but 7 times 70.
but then there is also an old verse about, dont cast pearls before swine, they will only trample them and then attack you.
So that is why I say only if she is repentent.
I'm struggling with a similar issue, dont know if shes cheating but have a strong suspision. I dont want to know to tell you the truth, just left and got away from her. if she comes back ------great till then I'm moving on and meeting some very nice women!
Thanks for the advice. My trouble seems to be that forgiving something like this is going to be a lengthy process, something that I won't be able to get over right away.
I think that she is still so angry from her disappointments in the marriage that she is at this point not capable of showing remorse. The more anger she has pointed at me, the less she will have to direct at herself in terms of guilt.
At this point I don't have the courage to forget her and move on. I think that this relationship can be overhauled and made stronger, but only if she's willing. She did leave only recently and I want to give it time.
Sounds like you are enjoying yourself meeting other women. Do you date them, or is it just a social situation? I would feel awkward dating someone when my marriage is in limbo. Has your wife pursued you since you left?
For what's it's worth. My wife left me in September. I met a married woman who wanted to leave her husband. We started a friendship that lasted several months. Eventually she became attached to me and the relationship turned sexual. Anyway, I told her that I was still in love with my wife and couldn't return the emotion she expected. I also told her that her love for her husband could return. About a month and a half ago she and her husband did get back together. She says she loves him and will continue to work on her marriage. She often said it was over with him and didn't love him anymore. Life is strange. I also met another woman who told me she had the same experience. She left her husband saying she would never get back with him, had an affair, but is back with him. It happens.
Thank you, that is some of the most encouraging news I've heard in a while! I realize that love can ebb and flow, but my wife seems determined that it can never come back.
I'll find out if things improve after the next two months of LRT. Thank you for your words of inspiration and encouragement!
CARL, its impossible to know WHAT they are thinking, and you go crazy trying to figure it out. As for forgivness being a lengthy process, I believe it is. theres a great book by charles stanley called the gift of forgiveness, it talks about the process you need to go thru. But I did read a quote somewhere that said " slow forgiveness is as good as no forgiveness". so there you go.
I'm not dating, just socializing. Its been good for me, helped me get over my rejection anxiety knowing there are other women who would love to date me. One is a complete knockout.
The pursuit thing can be very very subtle. W has shown some signs of pursuit, ive been distancing for 3 months. My sit. is different though unlike anyones on this board. I'm trying to get forgiveness from W, she seems uncapable of it, so shes mad and has done alot of very bad things, now I am the one who has to be able to forgive her if we can ever resolve this huge mess. JUly 9th will mark one year for me since the crap hit the fan. IVe learned so much, its been sheer hell and I hope the worst is behind me.
W did come by to see D last night and I was there, first time Ive seen her in 3 months. she looked good to me, and we have joint counseling coming up soon. she was nice,sad. it was tense and strange, but time apart is a good thing I think. a necessity
things that have helped me through this are: freinds and family, counselors, books, church, God.
All you can do is try to improve yourself, eat, workout, buy new clothes, look good,feel good, get rid of bad habits and try to improve any problems in your attitude, like anger, self pity, etc....
lookat all the good things you have, and just be cool!!!!!!!
I had an affair with another woman four years ago. My wife has only just foud out. She has taken me back, as she was the one who found this site and is dedicated to getting the marriage together.
To try and help you answer the question. If you really love your wife and there is hope and you want to work it out, talk to her but not with anger, talk and tell her exactly what she is missing. Try and find out whay she had the affair, I had mine because I thought that the other woman could give me something my wife could not. What I did not see was that she was giving me what I needed it was me who was blind. if you really want her back, try very hard to communicate and seee what she needs
Lawrie
quote:Originally posted by Carl Spackler: My wife left in April. In May I found out that she left, among other reasons, for another married man. She at denied that there was another man when she left, but I found her cell phone bill and found a cell phone number that had been called repeatedly.
I confronted her about it, and she reluctantly admitted that she met him in Feb. and has been sleeping with him since April, and that she "loves him."
She has shown no remorse or guilt at all. She has stopped going to our marriage counseling. She tells me that she will come home when she wants to, not when she has to. Of course, she says that she doesn't love me anymore and does not want to be close to me again.
Her apartment is in a city 30 minutes from our house. He lives in the same city. She tells me that she knew she would get caught, and that she ended it with him the next day. How can I be sure? I don't know where her apartment is, but he does. It's too simple to be true.
I don't feel like I have gotten past the anger over the affair, so I've pulled a 180-LRT. I changed the ph. # and the locks. I am doing everything I can to become stronger for me, but please help with your feedback.
Should I forgive her? I realize affairs start usually because of neglect or isolation from the spouse, so I am partly to blame for giving her reason to stray. However, I'm not the one doing "missionary work" in this relationship. Does she even deserve forgiveness? Help! Thanks.
