I wanted to throw in my 2 cents here…. I have heard the same comment from counselors but I have taken it with a grain of salt. I think there are some websites that are a waste of time, but I do not think this is one of them. I also think there are some counselors who are a waste of time. The problem for the lay person is how do you tell? Generally I think the more we can learn, the better. If that includes a good discussion board, then use it. I have not heard of any criticisms from counselors over reading books and I see little difference between the delivery of information posted here and a book.
I do understand that at some point all that learning should be put to use and that will require time away from the boards and getting into the trenches. But when beginning a relationship recovery, I think it may sometimes be better to resist that temptation, study and grow. Determining when you are ready to directly take on the relationship problems is hard to say, but I kinda think the sort of advice offered by your counselor can also be a little self serving – don’t go looking for outside help, just keep coming (and paying) here. There are so many different approaches to counseling, I sometimes think they get into little turf wars.
I think there are boundaries exercised on this site, so I disagree with your counselor. The face-to-face comment doesn’t make any sense to me at all. The last statement that these types of sites fuel fantasy is just the opposite of what I’ve seen. This board is a good grounding tool. I think it does more to pop those fantasies than fuel them. That is probably testament to the posters here more than anything else.
So I guess my point is that there is a timing element involved for the healthy use of discussion boards and working on a relationship. It all depends on the person.
Oh, and one other thing. I’m not sure stinkin’ thinkin’ is so bad. It would not exist if there were not an underlying problem nagging at you. Not thinkin’ enough and not working on the relationship can allow frustration to build. But if there is some aspect of the marriage that is not the way you like it and it causes discomfort, then either you need to face it and work on it, or accept it as something not worth fixing and don’t fret over it.
