The dreaded OR talk....

I have really become scared and feeling like I could vomit at the thought of one of those. I have not initiated one since....oh....early Dec, and then it was more PMS and me going off the deep end than anything else.

I actually had this silly notion that at some point once I stopped initiating - I mean really STOPPED initiating, that he would step up and be the initiator. So far that has not happened...I have asked a few times I felt he was being distant and cold if there was anything bothering him - he of course said "no"...so I let it go.

I wonder if we'll ever have an OR talk again? I'm starting to think that if left up to him, we will not. Boy, I bet he'd be surprised to find out what's really going on inside my head...or then again, maybe he wouldn't....OR he just finds it easier not to be bothered.

It's been so long w/o an OR talk...ok, well maybe not THAT long, but for me, it's long...I really don't think I want to have one any time soon. I like my thoughts being just mine. I don't think anything he could say would change the way I feel...(unless he admitted to another A-whole different story). I guess since I shared SO much w/ H over the years, too much as it would turn out, that it became overwhelming for him. I am a pretty strong personality...been called "bossy" throughout most of my elementary school years...besides, like I said above, I doubt he really does want 'in' like I thought (and he said) he did.

I don't know whether to be saddened by this 'loss' or happy because I am ok with it?

L

p.s. hey Lilly-what did you do besides stop initiating that made your H start?