Ya know... I thought I'd move over to a slower paced thread where the messages don't get to page 7 in the first three hours of the day. I needed to start a new thread anyway, but not sure where I fit.
So knowing my friend Andy will be reading... I'll ask him please Andy to do the magic hoo haa of linking up my story. The first thread from March of 01 has disappeared somewhere but the tap dancing one must be oh around page 10 I would guess
So bottom line.... bomb - October 2000 - bitter and uncomfortable for 9 loooong months... haardly any talking, still slept in the same bed, managed the kids - he told no one excpet one person - a woman - he works with. He also told her about his secret fantasy crush on a woman he works with who is 20 years younger. I learned about the fantasy EA a week before Christmas 2000. Have been to counselling, working on myself still and watching slowlee slowlee as we move forward.
July 1 2001 fireworks... sex, but no kissing at all. December 23rd... kissing... vertically too not just in the sack. Always on his terms still, If I initiate a kiss... I get the cheek sigh... Very nice presents this year... and more talking. Still not "dating" or talking of going away together or anything like that. Family vacation talk still goes on, future talk about work and house still go on... but he won't get personal or deep with me at all. To be fair... I don't ask or go to deep into those kind of conversations either.
so NOW what??? More of the same? Keep doing what I am doing? it appears to be working. Very few back slides these days. Every now and again I go sort of dusky just to test him. It appears to work. When I see him getting cranky and retreating to his cave I leave him be, although I do ask about bad days now and let him know that I recognize a change in his behavior and attitude.
busted? or bent? getting there? or plateaued? Gotta thank Lily for making me start thinking onn this track.
Yeah. Now what? It's kinda hard to determine if you've "arrived" or if there's more. There's no such thing as a perfect M, so how do you know when it's as good as it'll ever get?
We go from panic to obsession to relative peace. Are we there yet? Ah. But satisfaction is more than peace.
So, like you I’m “peacing” my M back together (did ya catch the pun? I’m oh so funny)
Tree, Lily is correct. You belong here when YOU think you belong. It is all about perception. Does this mean it is over? No-way. But your on the right path.
Hello treesa! I'd say it certainly sounds like your hard work is paying off. You're wise to take it slowly and ask questions of whether you're really piecing yet or not. My mistakes at reconciliation included anticipating the return of complete intimacy too quickly, backsliding on hardwon new behaviours, and assuming I could realx, and stop DBing. So on that note, I'd say you have a good chance given your caution and wisdom. Bon chance, Alex
Alex! WONDERFUL to get yr input. I was hoping I'd catch up with you somewhere along the line. Thanks for the coaching coach! You had me early on in the game and I am delighted you're here when I need you. Thanks all the rest of yas too. Nice to see you wfor the support. Kent... glad you too keep coming back!
down dawg!!!! WHY is it that EVERY man I KNOW has asked me the exact same question???!!!!
Burbs... cute.. yeah.. pretty quiet... but the quality is here too. except for a few dawgs who don't get out near enough!
Interesting how things go around the new tree house... but it's still a pretty slooooow dance. Nothing unusual in that I expect. It's appearing better I believe. Don't have a lot of negative to report so that must be good. He's still hangin in the garage and the cave but not nearly as much. Recognizing the signs is half the battle. Knowing to speak and when to shut up are the other bit. HMM
tree lookin for the tango! wowrking at not yakking tooooo much
So glad you've finally joined us'ns over here! And I agree with Kent - you belong because you believe you do. There are no rules as to who's in and who's not.
I can relate to the stagnant feelings you have...it seems to just drift from one day into another without many changes. I guess I really am a drama queen....or is it getting close again-yup-just past the 30-day mark (hormone thing-sorry if that's TMI guys).
Another poster on another thread (Matilda - on um...infidelity I think) has been having some great talks with another poster LSM, both are dealing with recovering....good reads.
Well, there is one thing...a good thing...drifting is peaceful and serene....there is no yelling or fighting....and very little crying! That's a good thing. I suppose it's a trade off...no more (bad) surprises - and we drift along, and just live.
I know it can be frustrating tho - and being the self-labeled drama queen I am, for some strange reason I expect that my H will some day come to me and actually TALK to me. Not about 'hi honey how was your day' and the like, I mean really talk....about why, what led him to break his vow. I know why he 'came back' but I want HIM to tell me what got him there. For now, I live with the "I don't know" man. And that's fine, for now, because we really are moving along with things....as long as I go on like nothing ever happened....but wait - isn't that how it's supposed to be?
to do the magic hoo haa of linking up my story. The first thread from March of 01 has disappeared somewhere but the tap dancing one must be oh around page 10 I would guess 
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