(I've a post in Newcomers called "Overwhelmed... where to begin", but I think that this might be a better forum for some of my questions)
H and I have been married for 2.5 years, were together for 3 before that and have known each other (on and off) since we were kids. While we had problems, mostly with communication, they didn't seem insurmountable or any worse than anyone else's.
Things got bad last August when he realized that he was also in love with a mutual friend of ours (who returned his feelings). He decided he still wanted to be in our marriage, and scaled back slightly to a "just friends" level with her. We discussed counselling, but he wanted to try and work things through on our own.
December, he needed to get away to think about some things (he is coming to terms with newly discovered self-esteem issues and not paying enough attention to his own needs). He went to the house where this friend lives with two other friends of his for a week. He felt happy and at peace there, and realized that he hasn't been feeling that way with us. He came back, and after a month of indecision, decided that he wants to work on OR to get it back to being happy and good.
We have started seeing a therapist (been twice so far).
I am reading lots of books and trying to work on myself. He is doing lots of thinking and trying to work on himself.
But we still aren't communicating very well together (sometimes are better, but sometimes it turns loud and nasty). We aren't yet working together as a team on issues - it feels more like we are each working on our own things (but not sharing what they are with one another) and still faulting the other for changes we would like to see made but don't feel the other is responsive to making.
It's getting frustrating and tiring, and I don't know what to do from here.
