Sorry, Matilda, it’didn’t pan out that way. I was feeling too low, and when I got a “friendly” v-card, it just sunk me. There was nothing really wrong with the card, but it just stuck out that W was trying not to “lead me on.” It makes me feel like there’s a huge wall between us. It makes me feel like some sort of sexual preditor.
Anyway, I felt that I had to clear some things in my mind. It’s the only way to get my PMA back. So, I went into the next round of R talks.
She said our sitch is a consequence of a lot of things that I’ve done. She said she doesn’t resent them and is not blaming, but these things happened, and they have consequences.
At certain points, she pointed out information that I withheld from her, and that by doing this, I was putting up a barrier to our communication. But, I had to point out that she said things like “I’m sick and tired of your negative attitude towards OR.” How could I discuss my feelings in this atmosphere? She was surprised that she had said that.
So, the upshot of this talk was that we agreed to keep the lines of communications open
Things were still bothering me this morning, so I asked for further clarification. “Do you want me to stop any form of affection or just sex?” She said that she never asked me to stop either.
I also told her that something she could do for me is to stop trying to “not lead me on”. I told her that I would not jump her bones if she didn’t want me to, and that when I touch her it doesn’t necessarily have to lead to sex.
At the end of all of this, I’m feeling good and W feels like krap. I guess it’s time to relax a little and let her do the same.
We’re over the 100 post mark, and I think my sitch has changed focus again, so we’ll see everyone over at Burying the Past.
