Well we got back from our (sexless) vacation. When we got home we had the babysitter watch the kids for the evening while we went out to dinner. It was great. Then we had an intimate night. This was a great day for us and I don't understand why he doesn't want this kind of time more often with me.
You asked if we get along well in the rest of our relationship... lately not exactly. We're moving out of state in the next month so our lives are full of stress and changing jobs, etc... so it's not exactly prime love-making situations to deal with (in his opinion). Just trying to talk to him is difficult lately. I really need to ask the Lord for some patience and maybe a zipper to zip my mouth shut with when he starts snapping at me and I snap right back. I've never been good at shutting my mouth around him but he's the yeller. Lately I've been the foul-mouthed wife just fed up with him.
He told me the night that we went out on a date to a fancy ocean-front restaurant that he does like sex and when he comes to bed naked then he's interested in sex. Well last night he came to bed naked and I wasn't sure of it since he'd been in such a pissy mood lately, so I didn't do anything. Then he put his hand on my side (I was turned away from him on my side) and so I reached for his hand and rolled over and we layed there talking for a while. Then I layed my hand on his chest... trying to get a feel for his mood. (I've got to tip-toe around him constantly in this area or he'll just flat out shut me down) Soon after I put my hand on his chest he said his whole body was itchy after doing some yard work (even though he just had a shower). So I asked if he wanted me to scratch his back. He said No, not to touch him. If my body were itching, I would totally enjoy having my back scratched, but he doesn't like scratching, massaging, rubbing, nothing. It's almost like he doesn't enjoy pleasure with his body at all. So, I said that I didn't understand how he could not like his back scratched if it were itchy. Honestly, I think it was an excuse for me not to do anything further with him, so I rolled back over and went to sleep, silently cursing him in my mind. Everytime I heard him move, I was hoping he was moving closer to me, but he wasn't. He never makes the first move and I just hate him for that. It makes me feel totally sad. Oh well. It helps to just talk about how discouraged I am feeling.
That sad, discouraged feeling that really eats away at my spirit. I'm still hopeful our relationship will turn around and be healthy and happy. Maybe this move will be good for us.?? If it's not, then I'll be even more sad. We're currently living in the home I grew up in as a little girl, so I'm loosing a lot and sacrificing a lot to move cause once we sell this house we can't return and ask for it back! It's going to be much harder for me than anyone else (besides my parents who are staying here in town). My husband wants to leave and says he doesn't like this house, that he didn't choose this house and therefore doesn't like doing any work around here. (I think it's another excuse personally) We'll see if he changes at our new house... I think he's fooling himself - but not me. Is it normal to inwardly hate your husband? Silently I curse him constantly b/c he just is such a rude sob. This probably isn't healthy for us, but I hate him so much lately. I don't know how to get out of this mindframe. How do you love an unloveable husband????
