Just by reading your initial post, it seems like your only problem in this case isn't only the lack of sex. It appears your husband has a drive for sex...but just redirects it to the porn you mentioned.
Cloe, That is a very good point. Yes, he must have an appetite for sex but just not with ME! We do argue, as most couples do on occasion, but for some reason he doesn't do "make-up sex". I've tried to read him "Sex-Starved Marriage" and he listened to a couple chapters but isn't interested in anymore. BUT, we are going on a vacation and it's a very long drive, so I might just read to him while we go. ??
You know what I just can't understand? How someone who supposedly loves someone so much will just flat-out ignore a desparate plea for affection. He calls me a nympho! Just b/c I want it preferrably 1-2 x's per week. YIKES!! Lock me up!! I have NEVER once in our marriage turned him away (he probably has made the first move maybe - and I'm really giving him the benefit of the doubt here - maybe 10 times! (Of course we must not count the MAKE-UP sex for the month after he moved home)
We have been to counseling numerous times. Oddly enough the sex part barely made it to the table b/c we always had other bigger issues to deal with. MC always told us that once the relationship is happy, the sex will come. Well, it didn't. And now he won't go to counseling since we're getting along about 4-5 days out of 7. Maybe I'll go to bed furious with him once a week (of course I'd still love to have sex with him so we could neutralize everything... but that just doesn't happen.)
We're not a young couple - both in our mid 30s. I just remember all my other boyfriends I had and all the great sex we had... I wish I could reminise about all the great sex my husband and I had!!! He's a very traditional guy, only in the bed and no where else man. So my dreams of doing it in all the rooms went out the window along time ago! *sigh* It's a shame.
I've asked him to go to the doc and get a testosterone test (even called the office and asked them to check it) and when he went in he didn't mention it (probably was embarrassed). Oh that mad me mad!!! So, we don't know if he has low Testosterone or not - my hunch is yes.
When we met he had just broken up with a long-term g/f. 9 yrs. I told him that I didn't want him to be "just friends" with her since I knew from experience that most girls don't wanna be "just friends"... they are "just friends" until ex-bf is having relationship problems, then they become the shoulder to cry on and one thing leads to another... not a good idea. So, he contacted her secretly months b4 our separation 2 yrs ago - just to see how she was b/c he cared. She had moved 1200 miles (just like he did when he married me) and was now in the same area we were! See what I mean about ex's!? She apparently was married though... but how convenient it would have been had she not been married! I may not be married right now!! *sigh* So, he may or may not have a "fatherly" concern for her anymore. Odd that he blames me for so much of our separation yet he was the one calling ex gf's! Like that will make a marriage stronger when you're thinking of an ex-gf. Who knows... he thinks I can't handle it if he talked about her! If I can handle an affair... I think I can handle discussing his ex sweetheart.
Ummm... I'm trying to explain my situation as best I can... so please forgive all the rambling. We still haven't discussed that affair of his by the way. Oh he says we have, but I say we haven't. He's never answered all the questions I had and he probably never will. Just wants to sweep it under the rug. Well, it may be under his rug, but it's a big dust ball in the middle of my floor!! However, it's getting better for me though b/c sometimes I can drive past that hotel where they were and not even think to curse it! So I'm making progress. ;-) he he
Thanks for letting me vent here. It really does help to get it off my chest. I'm sorry I seem to be so angry. I guess that is what happens when you don't have sex very often!! Makes me a bit edgy. He can't understand that of course... so I'm just bitchy and naggy to him. I'll keep reading... sure wish "Sex-Starved Wife" would come out soon! There are a lot of women out there like me!
