I am also brand new to this BB as a sex-starved wife with a husband who has always had a LD. I'm not a novice by far, but I have really gotten some great advice lately. I told my story in depth. This really gave people a good idea of my situation. I recommend you do the same.
Just by reading your initial post, it seems like your only problem in this case isn't only the lack of sex. It appears your husband has a drive for sex...but just redirects it to the porn you mentioned. See, my husband has a low sex drive and he doesn't indulge into anything like that...he's not interested at all, is what I am trying to say. He'll "talk the talk" when he's with the guys and chuckle at emails they send...but he doesn't even have a drive to look at other women (which you would think I would be greatful for). He, in fact, is being treated for low testosterone - which isn't always the reason for a low drive.
Anyway, what I am trying to say is both of you seem to still be recovering from his affair. It sounds like the book you read did a lot of help, but marriage takes long-term maintenance; and, in my opinion, you are always going to be recovering from something like that. You can forgive, but the human mind does not forget unfortunately. How is your marriage aside from your sex life? It just seems like the lack of sex goes deeper given your past. Maybe if you shared more of the "big picture" of your marriage people could chime in more with advice.
I'll do my best...buy I for sure am no expert. But, I guess none of us are. We are all her for 2 reasons to get help and support and to give it!!!
Just to fill you in on me and how I think...I am a big advocate of marriage. I feel that when I vowed "for better or for worse" and "til death do us part" I was in it for the long run. I do have my exceptions...and in your case, I give you incredible credit to come through what you did with your husband. I admire your strength and consider you to be a Super Wife! I know working through problems takes so much out of you...but unfortunately there' that whole "Marriage Maintenance" think I mentioned earlier where the work continues unfortunately.
