Where do I go from here, Andy? Yeah, I'm considering things to do to rectify past mistakes, but with H not even willing to see/talk to me on any consistent basis, I really don't know what I can do.

I like what Matilda said about the OR talk. But only you know if that would work for you or not. I know it works for me up to a point, but then it stops working.

If H had really told me years ago that the lack of intimacy was killing his love for me, I think I would have understood and done whatever I needed to do to fix it. But he never did. So I thought everything was OK. It built and built with H until he finally said "it's over, I want out." Man, did that get my attention!!!

Do you think this is still part of the process of your W growing in her understanding of the needs of the marriage (not just your needs)? She's come a long way, Andy, and perhaps she needs more time to come to this understanding. Maybe she's hit a plateau and needs to remain on that plateau for a while before moving on in this process. Like you said, it's not a linear process, so perhaps she tiptoed off the plateau to a lower level for a while?

You just sound pretty hopeless right now, and I wish I could make it all right for you. You've done so much for me, giving me hope again when I was hopeless.

Does any of this make any sense, or am I way off base? [Confused]