Not only should you read up on Mojo's thread, but you might catch up on Heather's too. There's a lot of discussion about codependency, enmeshment and differentiation. Yes, you are very codependent, not in you activities, but in how your self image, your needs, even your desire to have kids, hinges on your H.
Lilliperl also posted a good thread on differentiating. Read that one too. From what I see, people are directly addressing your issues and questions, it's just that we see deeper implications than you are able to see or understand right now. You need to do some catching up on the dynamics of how these issues affect you, your self image and your relationship with your H.
I do not think everyone is focused on babies. Instead, I get the impression you are, but only as a way of trying to move past your problems and get to another level in which everything will then be OK. This is a recipe for disaster. The advice of everyone to put off kids is for the very purpose of working on your marriage.
