Quote: I know you are not doubting my love for my H. But I've said all this to say, I plan on sticking with my marriage and it seems to me only time and much mental work will really make this situation better. How much time? It seems to me it is a constant effort and I will never be comfortable with this situation. All this to say, why delay our lives and our family any more waiting for "resolution". We will be working on this problem our entire lives...why delay making our dreams come true.
Cloe, the issue with this statement is that many of the participating spouses on this forum will point out that their spouse is NOT working on the problem.
Some are ignoring the problem.
Some think there is no problem.
Some think the problem is just their horny spouse.
Some think "this is the way I am and that's not going to change."
Some think, "I'm a good spouse to you in all these other ways, why can't you be satisfied with that?"
Some make an attempt to work on things only to have it peter out after a fairly short period of time.
Some collapse into tears when the subject is timorously broached while others explode in anger.
The reality is that having sex with your spouse isn't something you can resolve by yourself. If they aren't heartily on board for a resolution on a consistant basis, then you are looking forward to a boatload of pain. I would seriously reconsider loading that boat with children, before you and your husband have made sure that it is seaworthy and that the massive hole in the your marital hull of sexual incompatibility has truly moved toward healing.
You seem to be operating with two very divergent propositions at the same time. You are already having issues with thinking about sex with other men as well as resentment with the situation as it has been and as it stands. Asserting that marriage is forever while also asserting that you can't see yourself living this way forever.
If you want to know resentment, wait until you find yourself sexless for yet another month in yet another year while counting the years until your youngest has moved from home while balancing that with whether or not you will still be/feel young and attractive enough to start all over again.
I'm not suggesting that you should wait until every thing in your marriage is spiffy. But you realize that this is not a small, trifling matter. This isn't that he farts in front of you or scratches his butt or any other irritating yet, undamaging behavior/action. This goes to the very center of yourself as a person. And as a result of the pain you've already experienced you've unleashed your tongue in a flurry of cuts aimed right at the center or your husband's personhood.
What can it possibly hurt for the two of you to take the next year to work diligently for a solution that works for both of you before bringing children into what is currently an unstable situation poised for even more instability?
