Without going into particulars of your thread, as I sit back and take in the general theme and tone of your posts, I get one overwhelming impression – enmeshed, enmeshed, enmeshed. Your world seems to revolve around your H (and since he is a good deal older than you may be part of the reason he married you?). He gets to sit back and make up his mind on what he wants, but only after you’ve finished running in circles doing the ground work. Sweet deal for him. Frustrating for you.
Simply put – you give away your power. Have you read anything on codependency (I read you as VERY codependent)? A book I like a lot is “Facing Love Addiction : Giving Yourself the Power to Change the Way You Love” by Pia Mellody, Andrea Wells Miller. What I consider to be the bible of relationship books is “Passionate Marriage : Keeping Love and Intimacy Alive in Committed Relationships” by David Schnarch. You see this book mentioned a lot on this board. Go buy both of these.
I also see a lot of rescuing/mothering tendencies. Reading through Mojo’s threads might help you a lot. She is where you could be in ten years or so. Like everyone is telling you, I think you need to seriously shelve the baby idea until you get things worked out, regardless of any ticking biological clocks.
