How long has it been since you and your W and a serious R talk? If it's been a while, maybe it's time to sit her down and tell her the things you're telling us. If she thinks you're okay with the way things are, then she is certainly not going to make any changes. You know my story. my H told me EXACTLY how I was making him feel: about himself, about us, everthing. Until then, I thought everything was fine for him.
I know there is a lot of talk around here about giving space, doing 180's, etc., etc., but there comes a time when open honesty may be the only thing that triggers the response that you want. You desire to have your needs met. And, yes, intimacy - emotional and physical - are basic human needs. You can't go on forever denying yourself because eventually you will start to resent your W. I think you can find the words to make her understand that your desire for her stems from your love and caring and not from just a base physical need. I struggled with that for many years with my H. Thought he didn't care who was next to him in bed. I was so very, very wrong. And now I'm paying for that.
You deserve to be happy, Andy. You've been at this a long time, done all that you could to make up to her for your "wrongs" of the past. It's time for your W to get over it and get back into the game. (Good advice for me, too, huh?)
