(Lexapro is well tolerated by most people. The most commonly reported side effects of Lexapro are nausea, insomnia, problems with ejaculation, somnolence, increased sweating, fatigue, decreased libido, and anorgasmia. Most of the side effects experienced by patients taking Lexapro are mild to moderate and go away with continued treatment, and usually do not cause patients to stop taking Lexapro.)
So....I guess I'd have to say that with his current eating habits (which are somewhat similar to my H's .... although he has no problem with fruits and veggies LOL)....and his lack of activity (no excercise with an office job is a killer in and of itself....my butt can testify to that one.)...I'm not really surprised his libido has taken a serious nose-dive. If he already has a low T-level, which in and of itself is a pretty good cause of lack of libido...and then he's put on a medication where loss of sex drive is a possible side-affect, I'd think he's kind of getting a double whammy in that area. It honestly sounds to me like both of you ought to go visit his Dr. together.
Is it possible for his Dr. to put him on an alternative medication instead of Lexapro (Zoloft...same thing).
Ok...on to counseling When you approach him about Dr's...or therapy. How do you go about it? My H was also very resistent to both things....however I found that when I approached him with an "I want you to go with me, to help me work through this....and to help me learn to deal with this" attitude, it helped to take the pressure off of him feeling like he was under the microscope. This is a problem you two have to work through as a team....right now, he's very likely feeling like he's the one who'se defective, you need to let him know that you are willing to work just as hard as he has to.....to deal with the problems you will have to as well.
My H was resistent to therapy because he felt like I was going to go in there on a fault-finding mission, to prove I was right. He didn't know me very well back then LOL. It took me some time to get him to understand that wasn't my motive for therapy, that I truly needed to learn to deal with issues too....if we were going to make it through in one piece, but that I needed his help in order to do that. It really did help me get him into therapy. Then once we found someone he was really comfortable with, that helped too. She has a great approach with him and he doesn't feel threatened by her.
Now as for doing things for you.....absolutely, definitely...you need to do this. Especially now that I understand the dynamic you and your H have. Take a class...learn a language, join a gym, heck...you like to read, join a reading club that has meetings to discuss the books. Get out and do some stuff on your own for YOU. It's absolutely crucial that you have things that make you feel good....outside of your R with your hubby. Otherwise hon, you risk losing yourself within your M....and that's not a good thing either in the long-run. My H and I live out in the country....so it's not often convenient for me to just run off and do things for me. So when I can....I go riding by myself. I just saddle up Stormy (one of my paints) and take off while my H watches our 3yr old son. It gives me time by myself doing something I really enjoy, and it give me the benefit of great exercise too. When I can...I also go to a gym that is on my drive home for a couple of hours just to spoil myself (even if it is sitting in the massage chairs for 30 minutes after work to destress). Aside from that....I'm an art lover, so I have a membership to one of our local museums here in Tulsa. Once a month they have a gathering where we get to preview incoming collections and have a wine-tasting. It is something I go to regularly, whether or not my H goes with me. It's something I did before I met him, and it's something I keep up today....because I enjoy it.
I also want to let you know this....how you are feeling right now....is completely normal. Of course you feel rejected, you feel angry, resentful, confused, depressed etc. It affects a woman at the core of her being when her mate....doesn't act like he finds her sexually appealing. It starts to affect your self-perception, your self-confidence, your sense of humor, your energy level....you name it, somehow it creeps in there and affects it. Your dreams? NORMAL I had those, and still do.....you do not control what goes on in your subconcious while you sleep.
To help you deal with your feelings about all of this I truly do suggest you see an IC of your own. If you can get your H into MC you might both be able to see that same therapist individually as well, that's what my H and I do. It gives me some sense of comfort in knowing that she's getting a fuller picture than a regular IC would be. My H is also more likely to open up to her without me around...and this way one person has a complete picture of both sides of the situation.
Now time to ask some questions of you. When you tell your H what you want of him....what do you say? How do you phrase what Cloe wants? What actions do you tell him you want to see from him? I ask because all too often when we try to communicate our wants/needs to our spouses....we are too vague. We don't really give them specific actionable items that they can do....that we will recognize as efforts on their part. So, they are left to do what they think we want (i.e.....your H getting leachy with you).
When you approach him about Dr's...or therapy. How do you go about it? My H was also very resistent to both things....however I found that when I approached him with an "I want you to go with me, to help me work through this....and to help me learn to deal with this" attitude, it helped to take the pressure off of him feeling like he was under the microscope. This is a problem you two have to work through as a team....right now, he's very likely feeling like he's the one who'se defective, you need to let him know that you are willing to work just as hard as he has to.....to deal with the problems you will have to as well.
