Quite honestly, I had wanted things to be better for a long time but knew I needed to work on myself first -- had to like/love myself before I could do same for H. Near the end of my journey H and I had a R talk. He told me in a way that he never had before - so that I "got it" - how my standoffishness had affected him over the years, how hurt and alone he felt. I felt horrible. This man had cherished me (or so I thought before he told me of 1st A many years ago). He was always the one who brought up OR problems (at the time I thought he was just complaining because he wanted more sex). He was the one that was affectionate, loving, and really tried to nurture the R the best way he knew how. Unfortunately, we weren't on the same wave length about that (perceptions, perceptions, nasty perceptions!!).
I want that H back, too. I miss him so much. We have a great opportunity to really make something great out of this mess, but he's not totally with me emotionally right now, and I'm pushing too much (see "Getting Over It). I'm also still very hurt and angry. I'm just so confused right now I don't know which way to go.
Andy,
If your W says she doesn't hold any resentments any longer, believe her. She's working her way back to you. It sounds like you're doing everything you can. What more can you do? It's ultimately up to her to decide to let it go and love again. It takes a long time to recondition one's mindset, but ultimately the brain has to let go of preconceived ideas when they are no longer being validated.
