Muddle's Muddy Waters

[MuddleThrough]

i think he decided long ago, weighing all the potential consequences of his actions, not to try to stop her from going. Am I right muddle?

You are.

he has been VERY clear about why he is "ok" with her going on a certain level, because she needs to learn to be on her own, to grow as an individual and experience life and all that comes with making her own decisions.

That HAS been your position in the past, right muddle? I don't want to put words in your mouth.

It has.

Like I think muddle has been saying, this is REALLY difficult and I don't think it's in any way cut and dried.

We define ourselves with our choices, Shippd, yours worked for you. I appreciate you sharing your wisdom with me. (I'm not really sure why you think I'm using my son as a pawn in this, but I'll leave that one alone).

I know that I'm taking a risk by "letting" my W go. She's going to do what she wants to do, either despite me, or with extra motivation supplied by my actions. She may become far more sucked in to this A as a result. She may decide not to come back. Hell, she might commit suicide because she can't handle the stress of the sitch and the guilt for what she has done. None of this is really my concern. This is her burden to bear.

I don't want a W that isn't my equal, that doesn't want to be where I'm keeping her. I'm not sure if I'm going to want to be with this woman that has betrayed me on so many levels. I think I do right now, but I won't know until it happens. I know what I'm getting into for the most part, and I accept it.

I don't mean to imply that your choices were in any way wrong, they just aren't choices that I feel apply to my sitch right now. I am starting to be concerned that at some point I'm going to need a separation, and I feel like I'm getting closer to that point - this of course is driven by my lack of patience for the A, and my feelings of entitlement and expectations. Perhaps I will find the ultimatums appropriate at some point. Right now, I don't. As for the crossing of the line into a PA, I don't know what to expect. I am nervous about how I will allow myself to react to it, but in the end, she is her own person, as she was before I met her.