I’m not entirely sure if W still resents me. She’s always maintained that she let go of the resentment, but it was plain to me that she hadn’t. However, it’s been a long time since I’ve given her anything to fuel the resentment, and she hasn’t shown any signs of resentment either, other than the fact that she can’t bring herself to give me anything that I want. She’ll give me anything that she would want/expect, but is not willing or able to put any thought into my needs/desires.
It’s kind of a catch-22. I can’t ask for anything because I’m afraid that she would see it as placing undue pressure on her. At the same time, she’s not a mind reader, is she?
But, I’ve been doing a pretty good job of reading her mind I’ve done all I can to help her get more sleep. She’s far more rested than she has been in a long time. She’s been worried that I’ll lose my job and that financial worry is gone now that I’m to start a 6 month project at work. She’s been relatively free to do her thing, and it is I who have been taking care of the family – particularly our handicapped son.
One of the signs that she has perhaps let go of the resentment is that she lets me do all of this. We used to get into a sortof pissing match about who was sacrificing the most but now she lets me make sacrifices and even expresses appreciation.
At the same time, I can’t say that I’ve been a bundle of joy lately. I haven’t been sleeping well, and though she tries to help me deal with my impending travel, I’d rather not talk about it. At least my worry about travelling masks any other concerns I have, so there’s nothing that can be traced back to her.
I’d love some “earth shattering” advice, but I think you’re right. I just gotta keep up keeping up. If the resentment is still there, it's all I can do. If the resentment is, indeed gone, then it's all I can do to keep it from coming back.
Hi Jen,
My Gen’s birthday was this weekend. It was a hoot. However, Gen and I both got deathly ill and spent Sunday barfing. Oh well.
Me2,
I was composing this post when yours came in. Will get back to ya.
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I’ve done all I can to help her get more sleep. She’s far more rested than she has been in a long time. She’s been worried that I’ll lose my job and that financial worry is gone now that I’m to start a 6 month project at work. She’s been relatively free to do her thing, and it is I who have been taking care of the family – particularly our handicapped son.
