Quote: Maybe tell her that staying home during that time might be emotionally hard for you and you feel it better if she hires a sitter. This is you taking care of your needs not messing with hers.
I know what you say here makes all the sense in the world, and it's totally true, but not in my W's world. When we first discussed this, she made it very clear that she expected me to take time off, and she stood strong and fast to the point of view that I was doing this for S4 because it was my responsibility to him, not for her. After this conversation finally got resolved with her hearing that all I wanted was to be ASKED if I would do this, she explained that the reason she wouldn't look at it this way is because she didn't have options. If she gave me the option, I would say no. She listed all of the people that she knew couldn't help us. She doesn't want to leave him with a stranger. As far as I'm concerned, there are people that she knows that should she ask them to watch S4, I WILL be taking the time off. There are options, she just chooses not to see them right now.
There is a persistent issue in our R that this will bring up. She feels that there is a large disparity in equality in our R as far as doing what we want to. I tend to think that a lot of this comes from her choosing to limit her choices (she has social anxiety disorder, so she is quite accustomed to not doing what she wants to because of her fears), but the fact is that she's sensitive about it. If I take care of my needs in this situation, she will see her needs become impossible. Once again, I will do what I want, and it will appear to be at the expense of what she wants. Sure, this is her issue, and it is a consequence of her choices, but it is a consideration in mine.
Regardless of all of this, I am going to tell her how I feel about taking the time off for her to do this. I think it will be beneficial in the long run both for myself and for her opinion of me, even though I am going to be stepping into the fire for a time. I want to be compassionate and understanding, but I also need to attend to my values and ensuring that my actions and values are in tune.
“No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it. ” – Albert Einstein
