I'm starting to really realize that there's nothing that I can do to change this situation (more accurately put, I'm realizing another layer to this truth), but rather all my experimentation is about finding out exactly how I'm happy behaving in this situation and in my new life. I have read over and over again that when a S is in this sort of A, it's up to the LBS to just cope however they can until the ride ends. I guess this is very much what must be done when someone is in MLC. I just keep getting this nagging feeling that I shouldn't have to be in a R like this, that I deserve better. I know all the reasons that I have decided to stick it out are all still very important to me, but I can't ignore the sense of loss that still rears its head every once in a while. I guess I just need to keep accepting that what I thought I had is gone, and that I have no idea what's going to come in the future, except for a me that's better than the me of yesterday.
I'm not ready to walk away from this yet, so I won't make any ultimatums. I am, however, going to continue to try and reduce the time and attention I'm focusing on her. It leads to frustration (which GH, because of the lack of cheese at the ends of all those tunnels you eagerly ran down, I'm not in the least bit surprised you became P/A, resentful, angry and what not), and I don't really want to be frustrated right now. I haven't been too bad - and I still want to get better in that regard. I guess that's it for now. Thanks all for listening.
“No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it. ” – Albert Einstein
