Quote: i decided that my sitch was over and i could no longer continue to pursue my wife.
This is something that I'm not sure how to do. I want to stop pursuit, but like GH, if I back off, she calls me on it and tries to get me closer, but not too close. I think there is some value to doing this in a calculated way. As you can tell, I'm experimenting with this dynamic now.
Quote: it was the hardest thing i could do but i let her know i was letting go of my fantasy, and you know what, three days later she wanted to work it out and did not want to leave.
This struck me, because not too long ago my W was calling me delusional because I thought our M could be saved. I have acknowledged here before that as LBSs we have a fantastic vision that is just as false as theirs. Perhaps it would be helpful to discuss that I am giving up my vision. The issue with me though is that I have struggled to be realistic about the future and my own vision, so I think I have stripped a lot of the fantasy out of my perspective already. Not much to admit to, but the implications of admitting something like that would put the ball more squarely into her court. I need to give that some real thought.
Quote: i guess it sounds to me that your w like mine does want to be pursued by us and until they know we wont do that anymore, they wont commite tothe marriage.
Interesting, but I think you got it backwards. I know my W likes to pursue. That's a lot of what this A is for her. I think also once you backed off formally like you did with your W, she had the feeling that she had to pursue you. This might be what is so important.
Shippd, thanks again for your input - it really is helpful.
“No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it. ” – Albert Einstein
