your sitch and gh's and mine all seem to me are alike. i decided that my sitch was over and i could no longer continue to pursue my wife. which by the way she wanted me too. it got to the point of me in a loving way tell her that i loved her, but i could no longer live in the fantasy of us getting back together again and i would let her leave to be her own person and do what ever she wanted to do. i told her everything i was going thru, all the money i spent on saving our marriage and now i realize its just a fantasy in my head, that she was right we no longer had a marriage and we were left with maybe only being friends. it was the hardest thing i could do but i let her know i was letting go of my fantasy, and you know what, three days later she wanted to work it out and did not want to leave. since then almost a week mind you, she has been loving and caring, all kinds of ILY's and is being the wife i once had. i hope it continues and we end up happy together, but i know she may backslide again. i guess it sounds to me that your w like mine does want to be pursued by us and until they know we wont do that anymore, they wont commite tothe marriage. some day i will ask my w why she decided to stay, but now right now. you know everything you read and buy into, you still are you and you still have traits that you cannot control.
