Muddle...I can't do it my man, I can't NOT check on you...and selfishly, I am only replying to you because you included me in your post...and much of what you say applies to my sitch.
All-in-all, I think my downfall, or the PART I played in it has been my inconsistency. It is my passive/agressive stuff 100%. I have been loving one day, angry the next. If I can give you any advice at all right now, it is to just BE what you want to be and damn be to all who say otherwise. If you want to be patient and loving toward your W, then do it. If you want to set boundaries, then do it, but whatever you do, decide to do it and then keep it up. I did not do this.
Also, about the D talk. MY W is 100% convinced that we will never get divorced. It's not even about painting a picture. No matter what I say or do, short of actually filing myself, will convince her that we won't be together in some way forever. It's maddening, I assure you.
At one point I even accused W of being like that on purpose so that I would have to be the one to break up the family and she could say that she tried to stay together in spite of everything. She didn't dispute that too much.
My friend, learn from me. Understand that if you see progress and especially if you see progress with YOU, then leave it alone. Give time and the process a chance to work. Don't push, don't expect, don't stop loving. This is NOT a game to be won by the 4th quarter, it's a life-long process that we are just starting. I forgot that. Please don't make that mistake.
