Muddle's Muddy Waters

[MuddleThrough]

I tried something different last night. I went out without telling W much more than "I'm going out, think I might go to the bookstore". I ended up talking to an old friend and heading out to go get coffee with him. I didn't update W on my plans (she had her friend over and, to my knowledge, wasn't counting on me getting home at any particular time for her sake.). She called me at about 10:45 asking where I was. I told her the boro I was in and she got really annoyed, telling me that I was disrespecting her by not telling her my plans. I basically cut her off and asked her if she needed anything. She didn't so I got off the phone. When I got home she was asleep. I have been kicking around this thing about her need to control me, either explicitly or by knowing where I am and what I'm doing at all times, and how I can get a little more breathing room. So this was a bit of a calculated attempt at doing so. Anyway, at one point in the night, I'm sleeping on my back and she starts telling me to roll over. Not asking me but ordering me. I got a bit annoyed at this, and I told her that I didn't want to. She kept at it for a little while and then gave up. Eventually I decided that it would really rock her boat if I got up and slept on the couch downstairs. It sure did. She got up and started to argue with (at?) me all morning. She went on and on about how I was disrespecting her by not letting her know what my plans were. That I was treating her like crap. Oh, and the kicker here that speaks volumes: "you're the one who wants to fix everything"! Every time I responded to something, if I did, I responded with an I statement that had no causal link to anything she said or did. She was REALLY frustrated and annoyed by this saying that I have the freedom and ability to do whatever I want to whenever I want to. She's doing whatever she wants to, and I'm not trying to control her (she actually had the nerve to try and tell me that I was and do try to control her). I think she's scared that the power she thought she had over me is starting to fade away. I don't normally like to play games, but I am actually starting to look at this that way, like a game. Experiment with the dynamic, and see if she changes her tune. I guess doing something different, something out of character, something that tells her "I'm going to do whatever I want to regardless of your approval" really changes things.