Alright - I guess this is where all the guilt is coming from: at lunch my W told me "I think we need to talk about my plans" - to which I told her OK, but she seemed a little upset that I wasn't affected by her statement. In fact, she gave me a couple of digs about how I seemed like I wasn't really acknowledging it. I asked her if she wanted to talk about it right then - she said she didn't - and then asked her how "OK" wasn't enough of an acknowledgement. Anyway - now that I'm away from there, I'm finding myself slipping. I am letting this affect me - in fact, I am doing it to myself by thinking these thoughts. I know I can control this - but to me, this is a sort of threshold - a line that hasn't yet been crossed. Any twisted innocence there was in it "JUST" being an EA is going to be lost. I guess the feeling I have had up until now is I'll believe it when I see it, about her going. I'll deal with it then. I'm trying hard not to set myself up by thinking she's not going to go, but rather that I shouldn't deal with anything unless it's actually happening. I can't regard their intentions, that have nothing to do with me, as real. So now I'm stewing a bit. I DON'T want to be p/a here, but I also don't want to contribute to her going at all. The issue really is going to be who will watch our son while she's gone. I think she expects me to take a week off of work to do this, but I'm not sure that I agree with this in any way. This is her deal, and she needs to take care of the whole thing herself - I'm not going to absolve her of her responsibilities in the name of "opening the gate". I think this really is protecting her from the consequences of her actions, thereby enabling her. Does this sound like a fear induced rationalization to you? I know it makes a certain amount of rational sense, but I don't want to seem like I'm trying to control her. I know she will take any opportunity to tell me that I'm doing just that, but I'm not sure where exactly in all this grey to draw the line.
“No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it. ” – Albert Einstein
