Quote: Now, the part of this that kills me - in some way I would be proud of her if she went and did this! I know it would be a big deal for her to do something like this on her own. I don't in any way agree with why, or like the idea of her doing it, but I can see the value in her following through with something on her own. It would be good for her - even better if she could apply this to a situation that wasn't so destructive.
Wow Muddle, that is a really empathetic thing to say, and with thinking like that, I really think you have a chance to do what YOU need to do in this sitch. You are starting to see why there rarely is no black and white in our sitches. Yes, they are cheating, and yes, that's wrong. There's no way around that, but like Always has been posting on another thread, there is SO much more to it than the affair that to focus on it, even to just focus on our side of it is really short sighted. I think too many people would be terrified of even thinking what you thought and even more repulsed to post it in public but you know what, to me, it demonstrates that you "get it". You understand that this is NOT about you any more than what you are doing is all about her. You each are on a journey, and as you say, it would be a HELL of a lot better for both of you if hers were not so destructive but those are the choices she's making and in some way, as you point out, that must feel empowering to her. Now if she will only use that power for the good of herself AND your marriage things would improve VERY fast...but alas...that time is not here.
Please, keep your focus, keep thinking and keep improving YOUR outlook on life. Your compassion is wonderful to see, and especially since you have discovered that it takes NOTHING away from your self-esteem to feel empathy and compassion for the woman you love, even if she's breaking your heart right now.
