A couple of things - about the responsibility for the R, now that my W has "checked out" and wants nothing more than for me to agree to separate, the entire R is in my hands, so to speak. I guess this is what I'm getting at. Even though her part is her part and I have no control over it, I am the only one (not entirely true) that is involved in the R at this point. I say not entirely true because my W is still actively invested in parts of the R - but it's my feeling that her scales have tipped farther in the direction of OM so inherently she needs to give up everything with me. The stupid and thoughtless comment was to demonstrate who my W has turned me into, how she manages to find fault with me for anything and everything. I don't let it bother me, but it is a fact of the situation at present. Another thing she blames me for is that by "holding on" to the R, I'm keeping her captive. Even though I tell her she's free to do what she wants, it's her life, I'm not going to interfere, etc., I'm still imposing my will on her. I guess you see what you want to see. As for detachment - I know what you mean, and this is what it means to me, but to someone who is used to getting certain cues that have now ceased, it may look very different. These changes are noticable, and to someone who is used to having her emotional whims reacted to in clear and finite ways who is no longer experiencing this, it could feel like the other person no longer cares the same way. I know that I want to be with her, and I know that I convey this in different ways now, but it's still conveyed. I think more than anything, detachment allows for a greater amount of respect of the S. I've come to realize (the big light bulb went off while reading Mars/Venus) that I've been conveying a lack of respect for my W's feelings, without meaning to of course, for years now. She has been saying that I don't listen to her, that I don't care about her feelings since this all started. I know now that this is true, and I make every effort to listen well, when I have the opportunity. So on the respect point - I believe that everyone is equally capable of making things happen in their life as they want them to. Some people have more resources, but the capacity is there in everyone. To remove my responsibility for getting things done for my W is to truly respect her - BUT is it treating her like a child? She has this hang up that I treat her like a child, and therefore it's difficult, if not impossible to be lovers, because she views me like her father. I know this is her issue, and I also know that at the moment, she doesn't want to resolve it - it's just more fodder for this situation - but I don't want to play into it any more than I do naturally. There's so much to all of this, and I still feel like I'm so close that I can't see the big picture yet. Frustrating.
“No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it. ” – Albert Einstein
