Well, all I can say is that while our sitches/W's are not really the same, there are similarities. My W used to say the same kinds of things about being "forced" to stay home with the kids even though she chose to do that. She also used to claim that I didn't want her to go out or do anything. Well, I have come to learn that my BEHAVIOR betrayed my actual feelings in this. Sure, I SAID all the right things, like "honey, I want you to go out with your friends more and have fun" but every time she did that, I acted all passive/agressive and pissy because in the end, I was really uncomfortable with her doing those things because I was/am really insecure. I have no idea if this is you too, but I bet there is some of that.
What I am saying is that you may think you have supported and encouraged her, but little things like the stick shift and such probably drove home a message to her that you didn't really support her independance as much as you claimed to, EVEN IF you really did, unlike me.
As for her calling you out on the "self imrprovment tactic" for marriage improvment, well, I think that shows that you two, especially you, spend too much time discussing such things. At the end of the post you claim that you have spent too much time telling her things she can do to improve herself/her life. I would suggest that you stop doing this. Even if you are right, she's considering the source right now, and that source SEEMS like a man who's primary interest has been/is controlling her and saving a marraige she doesn't necessarily want to save. I think she probably doen't think you have HER best interest at heart here, even though I think you do.
Also, my W was jealous of my doing a lot of things out of the house too so GAL has been a big challange for me. I figured out early on that if I had simply been around more, my sitch would likely be much different, but alas, I wasn't so I can only work on that bit by bit. Just because I know it is something I want to do for my kids as well as my life in general, I have cut back on my extra-family activities for the past few months and it seems to be paying off. I think I have posted to a lot of people that for me, because being gone a lot was a LARGE part of the downfall of my sitch, GAL has been a lot more about being happy with my life and embracing the things I like about it, and showing that happiness to my W and family. Before, I was always down about things. Now, I have taken back my life and decided that I like it a lot, even with the current trauma.
I know it can be confusing trying to figure out when you are supposed to stop enabling her, when to support her, when to love gently or tough, and when going out is going to help of hurt the sitch. The bottom line is that I don't think now is when you are going to really get an accurate idea of when to do those things, especially from her.
Keep looking towards your own internal guidence system and TRY to figure out what the best thing to do for you is.
