Another thought, along the lines of detachment and self accountability: I'm aware that my W is controlling. She accuses me recently of this, and recently, I know I have been because of the instinctual clinging to someone pulling away, but for the most part, she's the controlling one. Since the start of our relationship, it always irked me when I was asked to do something that she could have easily done herself, and I felt like it was an intrusion into my space. I came to accept that I was not being controlled if I decided on my own that I wanted to do something, but this doesn't change the fact that she tries to get me to do things for her and is often annoyed or angry when I don't do the job she would have done. So, in terms of detachment, I know that I only do what I want to do, but this is an area in our relationship that I am somewhat wary of, and I'm not sure if I continue to "choose" to do her bidding that I'm not doing more damage. I often wonder if this contributes to the lack of respect for me that gave her reason to allow herself to have an A. I have always been the doer in the R, somewhat because she's been diagnosed with social anxiety disorder, and in this respect I haven't been dependant on her. This dynamic is somewhat troublesome to me with regard to detachment because I wonder if what I'm getting out of this interaction is my need to provide fulfilled. I don't REALLY feel used, although I sometimes feel resentful when asked to do something.
“No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it. ” – Albert Einstein
