R talk is R talk. I know it feels like you should do this, but my only concern is that she already knows all you are going to say and doesn't really need to hear it, repackaged or not.
We hear all the time that the WAS WILL GET MAD when we do these things because you are NOT falling nicely into their idea of how you should be handling this. You are NOT angry all the time. You are not sulking, waiting by the phone for her to call. You are NOT begging, pleading and talking about the R all the time. You are simply choosing to address YOUR concerns and give her the time and space she's no doubt asked you for. In the end, if she hangs her hat on anything, let it be that.
You probably want to say something like "Honey, I'm only doing what you asked me to do and in order to do that, I have to start turning my efforts inward. This is VERY hard for me to do, but it's necessary for me not only for the heath of any relationship WE may have in the future, but beyond that, any relationship I may have with anyone else, romantic or otherwise. This whole thing has taught me that I CAN love you without having to control you. That's all I am trying to do and it goes against every fiber of my being sometimes to do it."
That is NOT a script for you (buy I do get 10% of the take if you use it, lol), merely illustrating what I think you want her to know, right? I think she probably already knows most of that.
Most of the time when we R talk, we are not doing it so much to tell them anything, it's because somehow we think they'll react in a different way THIS time we tell them all the same things than the last time. If we just put the proper emphasis on WHY we are doing it rather than WHAT we are doing, she'll understand and finally come back into our open arms.
It usually doesn't happen that way, and BTW, the definition of insanity, as I hear it often said, is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.
The fact is that you are alone on this journey for the time being. You COULD talk to her, and it COULD be a positive experience for you. Most of the time it won't be, but if it has to happen, please make sure you are not saying the same things to her you've said 20 times before. She knows you love her. She knows you want her back. She knows you hate the affair, and by now, she knows you're not going to try to force an end to it.
I am passionate about this because I am a talker. I am a writer. I LOVE to communicate and as you can tell by my posts, I often do it TOO much. Don't fall into that trap. Let your actions speak for themselves and be confident in your own ability.
