As always - thanks for your affirmation and motivation. I think I have spent far too much time thinking about where my W is justifying things or more specifically responding internally to her justification - in an effort to convince myself she is wrong and to understand what the source of her resentment and deep disrespect is coming from. This is all something that I have to let go of - it's up to her to understand IF she chooses to. This is one of those fine lines that I realize I was standing on the wrong side of. I can't address the sources of her resentment if she's not a willing partner - if I try to do so, I'll only be working on my assumptions. And, an even bigger part of the problem, and this is a bit of a theme in my life, is that I am being reactive, rather than recognizing the problems within myself and proactively resolving them by progressing and transcending them.
On another note - yesterday, fathers' day, I woke up to my brother calling me to wish me a happy fathers' day at 7:30 in the morning. He's NEVER up this early, especially on a weekend (as he's a bit of an alchoholic and is usually sleeping off the night before). So my W and I both suspect he still hadn't gone to sleep - maybe other substances in his diet. Anyway, my W gets up and makes a bee-line downstairs to the computer. I get up and get my son breakfast, make the beds, run out and pick up breakfast for my W and me. I come back and she's still sitting at the computer on IM with my cousin. So, hours go by, and I can't help it, but I tell her: "Please don't feel that I'm trying to make you feel guilty, or anything for that matter, I just wanted to mention that I am feeling a little hurt. You never told me 'happy fathers' day'." Well, she was a bit upset, and she gave me a big hug and went on and on about how she had been looking at something specific to get for me, and she just hadn't gotten around to picking it up. She also assured me that she hadn't not mentioned it because of "anything else" that was going on. I can't blame her for her mind being elsewhere and forgetting. It did make me feel bad, because she ALWAYS remembers stuff like this. I also know that I shouldn't have put her in a place to feel any more guilt than she does already, but I felt I needed to express how I felt.
“No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it. ” – Albert Einstein
