Quote: GH, I find it interesting that you see it this way. I am actually supporting DB, not attacking it. I guess I'm not articulating my thoughts very well. I am stating here that IF what we do in DBing can appear to the WAS like a strategy, it becomes begging or pleading but in a more subtle way. "Honey, I'm changing so you'll come back to me, can't you see?"
In that case, I couldn't agree more. I'm sorry if I misunderstood you, and you bring up a GREAT point that kinda goes with my rant from earlier, which I think Lesile also brought up, that if you DB simply to try to affect your spouse, you will fail, and in that way, yes, it becomes a passive type thing.
I don't think you are "against DB" but some of the things you are trying to do in your sitch are against what DB would advocate. I agree 100% that it is paramount that we not lower our standards to practice DB. It's VERY hard to walk that line but learning to do it is one of the great benefits of DB. Learning to be self-centered while caring for others is a gift and one that comes only from LONG hours of soul searching.
I am really glad you posted back on this subject and clarified your position. I DO think any kind of debate we have WILL make us stronger and for that I am grateful to you. If you can approach your efforts in DB/marriage saving with the same even keeled demeanor, I think you have a good chance to make things work out, or at least move forward to a better life.
Keep posting and good luck.
GH
P.S. Of course, some of what was debated was not directed at you.
