GH, I find it interesting that you see it this way. I am actually supporting DB, not attacking it. I guess I'm not articulating my thoughts very well. I am stating here that IF what we do in DBing can appear to the WAS like a strategy, it becomes begging or pleading but in a more subtle way. "Honey, I'm changing so you'll come back to me, can't you see?" I think that DBing is only really effective when one is clear that they are not involving themselves in the decision making process about the A. You will not influence it, except in a negative way - making it last longer.
I am not saying that I think that DBing is passive - actually I am quite clear that it is an active process. An A will most likely end on its own - so you could very well just sit back and wait, but we choose to act, bettering ourselves in the process. I think part of this process is to make sure we aren't lowering our standards for our lives and our Ms by accepting what our WASs are doing as right, only accepting that they are doing it by themselves, as autonomous people.
I guess I have come across as being critical again of the philosophy in its entirety, which was not my intention, and couldn’t be farther from the truth. I wouldn’t still be here, and I certainly wouldn’t value opinions shared on this board if that was the case. Perhaps I am interpreting the DB method in a way that is both different AND wrong (at least as far as Michelle intended it) – that certainly is a possibility and is up for debate. If I strengthen my position or change it entirely as a result of said debate, I’ll only be better off for it. I always appreciate your time and input, GH, even if I don’t agree with everything you say (which is rare).
“No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it. ” – Albert Einstein
