Well, I have to say that I agree with what you are saying about truly being myself. I have made strides in trying not to "defer" to my W (even though I see it as consideration) and making decisions as I see fit. If she has a problem with that decision, she can speak up for herself. I think you're also right about not really being concerned with how she sees my actions. This is not an attempt to win her back, but to improve myself.
I guess I am getting trapped into fixating on the A again, as this particular point has my focus: her take on my boundary. This doesn't particularly matter to me in daily life. But to her, it is adding stress and pressure. She doesn't want to do anything without my consent here, because she really doesn't want this to be something final initiated by her, so she'll keep festering over this, adding to her stress level.
I think I have been pretty clear regarding my focus on myself and my life, but my communication with my W may have been a little inconsistant. I guess my real question to you, GH, is: do I have to rescind my stated boundary in order to stop being controlling? I truly feel that aside from that boundary, I have been very clearly allowing her the freedom to do as she pleases - up to the point where I'm almost enabling the A by sounding the alarm when I come home so she doesn't feel guilty talking to OM while I'm home.
“No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it. ” – Albert Einstein
