Not to cut in on this great post, but I have a question for you....I just read your post on Damm-Scared and although I agree with some of your points, I think in essence all of this, even if it makes us happy by working on ourselves and teaching us R skills and life skills, is a game to an extent.
I mean, since I am separated, every visit if I so choose, should be thought out so I am cognizant of my reactions to H and to the discussion at hand if it so ensues. By letting go, one focuses on the inner self and becomes better, more healthy in regards to "obsessing" so to speak about the spouse and the R, and puts effort and time into themselves. But I also think that the R is always somewhere in the back of your head, where there are the hopes, fears and anxieties that exist no matter what. How can this not be considered a "game" of sorts? With DB, we all have learned valuable skills that give us an advantage over the confused or WAW spouse. We "use" these skills to create more loving environments, or by helping us to remove ourselves from them or to help them see us in a new light. I think it is a game. Not a manipulative game or maybe a better word would be, WORK. Instead of game, this is a job of sorts, where no matter, we are working for a better way.
