I recently posted another chapter in my struggles on my thread (Menopause and MLC) concerning the influence exerted on my wife by her “well-meaning” friends.
I know that if I expressed my true feelings concerning the situation that only an argument would come of it. Therefore, I’m put into the position of having to practice what I have preached in some of my posts on this thread.
Like Laurin, I am trying to develop the ability to not over-react to the things my wife says and does.
quote: Originally posted by ANS: This is the working on me part: to know who I am and accept myself. To accept criticism, deserved or not, quietly. To try and listen to why one would criticize me or my actions, to find out if there is something I can do to improve me. And to remember that criticism can be a sign of love.
I am taking this statement to heart and looking at the situation from a different perspective—that the proper reaction to her action can only serve to strengthen either our relationship, my personal growth, or both.
quote: The rationale behind our behavior – no matter how well intentioned – is irrelevant. Our S doesn’t see the rationale. They only see the behavior.
Inside, I may be as upset as a wet hen over this but my feelings and my behavior are two different and separate things. My behavior must be measured and unemotional over this issue or it will impede my goal of saving my marriage. Kind of like keeping a poker face when you’re either bluffing or holding a royal flush.
quote: Listening and accepting criticism instead of defending yourself breaks the pattern. After a time, the old behavior will be forgotten.
Hopefully, ANS, you are right. All logic and common sense says you are. I remember, however, that during my wife’s MLC and menopause, logic and common sense are far on the back burner. But I am opting to shoot for results in the long run and praying that eventually more rational thinking will prevail.
