Sorry about your afternoon....my .02....combine a little of both of what Rob & Always suggested. You are on a different plane than some of us here. Your W has agreed to working on your M with you. Due to that, she needs to know that YOU are also recovering from this A, just as she is recovering from it as well. I think that's the only way the TWO of you are going to work through this as a couple.
I believe there is a part in DR that addresses this. Perhaps you can copy or paraphrase that section to your W (or maybe you can re-read it BEFORE talking with her) and it will help explain what it is that YOU are going thru in these types of situations (where she's unavailable and it brings back thoughts that she's lying to you). To trust, there has to be give & take & understanding - from both sides. You want to trust her again and I'm sure she wants you to trust & believe in her, too. And you gotta start building that somewhere.
{{{{GH}}}} Hugs...hope all goes well this evening.
