So, you say that your W WILL address this tonight. Then, you SHOULD talk. I was assuming that your W was like most of our spouses here, avoiding everything.
Also, if she's ready to talk about it, I'm not sure that she's lying to you.
If she addresses it, talk. Tell her, calmly, nicely, how you felt. Why you felt what you did. Tell her you understand how it makes her feel to not be trusted, and you feel a little stuck. You may even want to tell that you need a little reassurance now, from her, that she's not doing anything. That you might need it for a while, like she needed to see changes in YOU for a while before she trusted that you were different.
Don't demand this from her, tell her that it's something that would help. Ask her what she thinks, how you made her feel. Then ask her how the 2 of you can work together to get through this.
I think you're at a critical juncture that's a great opportunity. Most of us landed in this mess b/c when we hit conflicts, we clashed, fought, didn't talk instead of working TOGETHER to solve it. You could really use this as a way to change a deep pattern here. Take it. You are assuming that your talk with her tonight will be bad, and she's assuming the same. You're both assuming that you STILL don't have skills to talk it through together and solve it together. To truly be H and W. GH, up until now, you have made changes in YOU. W has come out of her fog and is working on HER. But, now it's time to start, gently, on the TEAM changes you need to make together....the bad patterns you had when life required you both to work as a couple.
So, tonight, have a beginner's mind. Start fresh. Put down your trust issues while speaking to her, bring down your walls. Speak from your heart and TRUST that she understands you, loves you, listens to you and will seek a resolution WITH you for mutual benefit. Give her a chance, give your new M a chance.
Remember, EVERYTHING is an opportunity. It's your choice to take it or not.
