ANS I have to agree with you, perception is everything. One of the actions I am trying to learn to to is to not react to her lack of respect for my opinions. When I disagree with her view of a situation, she seems to perceive it as a challenge to her person and almost immediately implies or I infer that I am not listening, or am stupid or [insert word of the moment] for not aqreeing with her.
If I react, I know the problem will compound. At this time, things are tenuous enough that I am not sure if she is implying or am I infering disrespect. It could be as simple as she is defensive at the moment. So, until I am sure of the real reason for her actions or reactions, I must be silent. Hard to do sometimes.
For example, will walking to work with her, I asked her if she was feeling OK (she has been sick). She answered somthing to the effect that I can walk with her as long as I don't ask stupid questions. I replied that I didnt' think that was a stupid question. Later I wondered to her that if she didn't want to have a conversation, that's OK, but maybe she could say that instead of criticing me to shut me up.
If this short conversation was held 3 mos. ago, I know I would have reacted to her implied [infered] disrespect angrily, and harse words would have escalated rapidly until we were both angry.
This is the working on me part: to know who I am and accept myself. To accept criticism, deserved or not, quietly. To try and listen to why one would criticize me or my actions, to find out if there is something I can do to improve me. And to remember that criticism can be a sign of love.
Do you criticize total strangers? Get angry with someone you've never interacted with? Not usually.
