W got a flat yesterday. The tire is a special tire that you can't just get anywhere so we had to wait until today to get a replacement from the dealer (it's a run-flat so it could not be fixed). My W wanted me to follow her down there since it's right on the way to my work. I did, and she called a bit later and said it was going to be until 3-4pm until they could get the tire from another location and get it put on.
She said she was going to get a ride from the dealership to the mall that is right next to my work. I said great, so we CAN meet for lunch (we had talked about it earlier). She said sure but she would call me and let me know, etc.
So, she calls a few minutes later and says her GF said she wanted to go shopping and was going to pick W up from dealership and to to a different mall, slightly farther away from my work, but still VERY close so we could have lunch. I told W I would call her when I was taking my break. She said fine.
I called...and called...and called...her phone often just goes straight to VM or says "user busy". I have seen this as a problem when other people call too so I don't take it as her blowing me off...SO, she finally calls back and asks me if I was coming over. I said, yes. She said "Oh. well we are still trying things on and won't be eating yet."
I said that was fine and would see her soon.
I left about 45 minutes later and called her on the way to figure out where she was...and called...and called.
Finally, I got to the mall, she never answered and I left after walking around the food court and past her fav. store.
As I was leaving, I left her a VM saying "W, I want to be direct with you. I am angry at being stood up. I thought it was clear that I was coming to meet you for lunch. Also, I think with the dealership calling you to tell you when your car is ready, you would check your phone more often than once an hour, assuming you can't hear it ring. I will talk to you later."
I didn't know what else to say...right then.
Of course, there IS more I maybe COULD have said, like how it seems VERY convenient that she "misses" my calls at a time when I supposedly was in the same mall as her. OF course, I was thinking that she was with OM and THAT's why she didn't answer, because if she did, she could not lie her way out of me coming to where she was. I COULD have said I thought she wasn't at that mall at all. Maybe I should have said all that, and maybe I still will, but I need you all to help me.
First, W told me awhile ago that I could expect total honesty from her. I want to hold her to that. I WANT to ask her for some kind of reassurance that she was with who she said she was with and where she said she was. I feel like that will set a lot of things in motion, least of which is her refusing to do it, getting VERY angry. I am NOT concerned about that, but what I am concerned with is IF, for my OWN good, I need to be asking these questions, and asking for this reassurance.
I feel like W committed to a open/honest relationship with me, and I have the right, as someone in a relationship like that, to ask for reassurance. On the other hand, I think she expects a certain amount of trust, something that I don't know if I can give right now.
What do I do. DO I ask her more about this? From the message I left, she's bound to be upset at the implication but how do I proceed?
I think I want to talk to her about this and let her know how it made me feel. I want to ask her to, in the name of that open relationship we are supposed to have, reassure me that I am just being paranoid.
I WANT to tell her that I may need more of this and not to take it personally but just as a carryover from the recent past that SHOULD be understandable.
IF she is being honest, then this is all me. That's what I am afraid of. I am afraid that I am flying off at the handle, knowing nothing and possibly turning this into an international incident needlessly.
The last thing is that there is something new in the mall she supposedly went to, something she could not have possibly missed. If I can figure a way to ask her about that, and she knows what I am talking about, at least I will know she was there.
I'm sorry you all, I am just feeling tired lately as you all know and doubting some things I took for granted, especially that OM is gone. I have even been close to doing my ultimate no-no, snooping in her phone because I am snooping to confirm that she is not done with OM ONLY, not any details. I have not, and really don't plan to but the justification is there in my mind, and growing daily.
Help...I feel like I am coming across as desperate and needy to her. I don't want to be that way. I only thought we had lunch plans and then all this. Am I making a big deal out of nothing?
